she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
