Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
