we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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