i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
