the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
