What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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