is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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