Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
