planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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