So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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