Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
