OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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