Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
