I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
