walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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