oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
