someone threw a dead crab at me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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