I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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