That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
