so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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