Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
