She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
