my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
