Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
