You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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