just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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