Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize