I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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