i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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