the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
