So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this is an emotional support booty call
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
