and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
whose parrot is this?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
