She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
