We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is it fun? or sober?
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