nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
