Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
time to smoke my breakfast
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
