I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize