would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
