HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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