hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
