Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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