I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
