just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
