I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
