if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Girls should come with a carfax report
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
