Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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