i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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