Non-Jews are for practice
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
