tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
