Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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