he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize