I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this just has baby written all over it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
