She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
