Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
