I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
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