physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize