so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
