The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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