just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
