I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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