I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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