I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize