i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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