So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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