I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
