yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
