I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
