She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
