He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
how drunk are you?
Several
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
