We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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