For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
