my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
