I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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