READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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