remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
